Soo... Here goes... And bare with me here because I have a.d.d.d.d.d.d.oh shiny.d.d.d.SPARKLES!!! Which totally makes me sound like a super duper girly girl... But I'm not... Maybe "SQUIRREL!!" would have been better than "SPARKLES".... and here we go with my a.d.d. and rabbit trails... You get the picture, ha!
The Storm.
Wednesday (June 12th, 2013) - It was a rough day. Thankfully I have some very close friends that I can speak candidly with and fear no judgement from them, only love.
I was very honest with two of my friends with my feelings and they said to me "Get out of the house... Start a project... Do something..." So I did. I went to the pool with an old church friend and hung out with her family and ended the evening at the lake.... enjoying the beautiful sunset and the kids splashing around in the water and laughing.
Our oldest daughter made friends fast, so she stayed the night... Which meant Thursday evening I was having dinner and enjoying karaoke night and picking my I-can't-believe-she's-a-middle-schooler-girl up.... About a 25-30min drive but I enjoyed the scenery and the company so it was worth it.
While out, I got texts from both my husband and my mother in law. My husband was at an event (he's a SPECTACULAR event/wedding DJ) and my mother in law lives over an hour away from us, north. Apparently there were some nasty storms brewing and they wanted to make sure the girls and I were ok. I don't do storms. At all. I am a big ole scaredy cat. My husband called even. He doesn't take time away from weddings to call... The wedding was being cut short because of the impending doom that was the weather (did I say I don't like storms??).
I was now in my father in law's truck. Driving home. 3 little girls in tow. 30min drive home... Looked up... And we were heading right into The Storm.
I could see it coming. I was terrified. I DON'T do storms. (just in case you didn't already gather that)
It got dark very fast. Lightning. Hail. Strong winds that moved the truck. HEAVY rain. Even pulled over at one point because I didn't feel okay driving in it.
I just knew that this was going to end up a scene from The Wizard of Oz and we were NOT about to be in Kansas (or Georgia) anymore. But with no sparkly red slippers to click our heels back to safety.
I don't do storms. And apparently I have passed that on to my daughters. I faked calm. I couldn't let my daughters see my fear because I wanted them to know it would be ok. We were on our way home... We would soon be safe.... I prayed. God knows I don't love storms and He could calm me, His child that He loves so very much.
Well... IT happened.
God spoke to me. HE spoke. TO ME.
Using my own words. To my daughters. To speak to me. In the middle of this terrifying storm.
My girls were afraid of the storm. In tears. Our conversation went something like this.
Me: Who is bigger than fear and this storm?
Kenz: God.
Me: Who could stop the storm if He wanted to?
Kenz: God.
Me: Who is in control and EVEN if He wanted to could make the storm stop just around our vehicle?
Kenz: God.
Me: Do you trust God?
Kenz: Yes, I do. Just this storm is scary and I don't like it.
Me: Do you trust me? That God made me your mommy for a reason and that I wouldn't do anything that would harm you?
Kenz: Yes mommy, but I've never seen lightning like this and it's bad and it's scaring me pretty bad.
Me: Well then, since God is bigger than it all... Let's pray and we will ask Him to comfort us and bring us through this safely.
Kenz: Ok mommy.
Me: You know, we can pray for God to stop the storm, and He could if He wanted to, but it doesn't mean He will. He could stop the storm completely, but we need the rain and He is control of the storm, 100% and He will take care of us, even when we are scared. ((...my words as we head into praying...))
God? Really? Is this what it's like talking to me? Your calming reassurance to me... When I am so frantic about what storm is going on in my life... Because you know that I'm going to be ok and that you have the power to stop whatever is coming to me... And that nothing comes to me, that you haven't first seen...
I love how God uses conversations that I lovingly have with my daughters to speak to me. I may beg and plead and cry for Him to stop the storm... But I need the rain. I may tremble in fear because I don't know if there is a tornado around the corner, but He says, I've got you Ashley in MY grasp, there is NO place safer than in MY arms. You may go through a tornado or a hurricane BUT I have authority of it all and it all obeys my command. Do you trust me?
Well... Of COURSE I trust God... I mean we all do right? I think we think we do, but not in the way He wants us to. He wants blind trust and faith. No matter the storm. We can't be safer than when we are completely lost and surrendered to Him.
I'm daily learning what it's like to completely trust Him with a child like faith. Yes, I have critics and nay sayers. But it doesn't matter. My God is bigger than them and bigger than my storm. He wants to carry me through the storm... He loves me soo much that He wants to sweep me up into His arms and carry me, HIS bride, HIS beloved, HIS child, HIS chosen one... Through the storms, the calm, the valleys, the mountain tops... Because He loves me and doesn't want me to go it alone.
God doesn't promise all rainbows and flowers for His children. He doesn't promise that we won't be tossed about. He doesn't promise that life will be "fair" - He only promises that HE is fair and that we don't have to go through life alone. He wants to carry us through the hardest times in life. He wants to hold us while the winds and waves try to toss us. Remember the "Footprints" poem/picture? The two sets of footprints and then only one? Yeah. That's how much He loves us. "Those are the times I carried you". Don't you want to be carried through the storms of life by the One that has the power to stop them all? I know I do. And I know He wants me there too.
There is peace that comes from knowing God. There is peace when you allow Him to carry you through the storms. He has a purpose for everything that we go through in our lives. We may never know the exact purpose, but He does. And we can trust Him.
Don't you want that peace? The knowing that no matter what happens, we/you will be ok? That we/you can face any storm that there is because we are in the arms of the One that can stop the storm with just a whispered "Peace. Be still." I know I do...
I leave you with these song lyrics from a song my dad shared with me (& had me sing some) when I was in middle school... Because life is FULL of storms... Sometimes God will calm the storms... But sometimes He wants us to look to Him in complete surrender, so that even though He isn't calming the storm, He can calm us-you-me, His child.
All who sail the sea of faithFind out before too longHow quickly blue skies can grow darkAnd gentle winds grow strong
Sometimes He holds us closeAnd lets the wind and waves go wildSometimes He calms the stormAnd other times He calms His child
