I'm scared I don't know how to be a good mom. My oldest wrote something for me and titled it "Sensational Mom", I cried... I fall soo short of being a sensational mom that it's not even funny. She said I'm one of her heroes... And I'm not really sure what I have ever done to be a hero to her. I look at all these moms that seem to have it all together, even ones that work in the home or outside the home, kids in sports, etc, and I wonder what on earth is wrong with me that I have to bust my butt to clean my house if company is coming over because it's not in "drop in" condition, that my meals RARELY have the daily recommended nutritional value, that my life is soo hectic even without all the extras that these other moms have in their lives.
Sometimes I blame my mom's illness... But I really don't blame it all the time because even though mom was sick, I know the things that have to be done and I really feel like I should be 100% capable of being super mom and doing it all, but dadgumit if there aren't enough hours in the day to do it all! I constantly wonder what God was thinking when He allowed me to be a mom to three incredible little girls, who I feel, deserve soo much more than I can ever give to them or show them how to be. I feel like my girls are doomed to live their entire lives in chaos because that's how I feel we do now. I don't want that for them. I want better for them. And honestly, I don't think I have any clue how to do it.
If my house is clean, my work is behind. If my work is caught up, my house is a wreck. If I have play time with the kids, dinner is a rush to be made and bedtime ritual goes right out the door. If I work out, my work time and my cleaning time is cut short because I do that when the kids are at school. Where is the balance? How do single moms do it? How do married moms that work do it? There has to be some magical thing that I am missing out on... Either that or there really is something wrong with me... (though that certainly wouldn't be the first time that's been an accusation, I don't want to feel like somethings wrong with me)...
Okay... Venting session done... Now... Any helpful suggestions from you moms who have it together or have been there and know what works and what doesn't? I'm willing to try anything...
3 comments:
NONE of us have it all together girl, but I'd certainly like to say I did. I am not as busy as you are, God help me if I ever had to be! As "low key" a life as I have I STILL feel horribly inadequate as a mother more than most of the time. Sounds like you just stretch yourself way too thin and expect way to much of yourself. Give yourself a break, you're trying to be everything and everywhere for everyone, that's what us Mom's do! Don't worry so much, God will take care of you. But you are doing a GREAT job. Your daughter said as much and as you know kids are brutally honest, if you were failing as a mother AT ALL, it would show through your children. Hang in there lady!! We are all there with you!
I don't have it together by any means, but I have found some things that help make me feel that way from time to time. I've been on a mission for the last 2 years to simplify life as much as possible.
Number 1 - Have routines for yourself & the kids (morning, afternoon & evening). It doesn't have to be something elaborate, but teaching the kids & yourself what things need to be done at different times of the day will be a lifesaver. Since putting routines in place, life has been a little easier. Now the kids get up, get dressed, have breakfast, brush their teeth, get their bookbags & are in the car at 7:30am. That's 5 things I don't have to constantly tell them to do! They just do it because it is a habit now. Same thing for afternoons & evenings. Although I will admit that evenings are more difficult.
Number 2 - Daily Chores. These are different from routines. The 2 older boys have 1 chore a day - taking out the trash, getting the mail, cleaning a bathroom, vacuuming the bedrooms, vacuuming the car, sweeping, etc. It's good for them & they get paid on Sundays for their extra help around the house. Plus you absolutely can't do it alone. It takes the whole team to keep the house in order.
Number 3 - Dinner. Ugh! I was constantly struggling with what to cook. Since we are on a major kick to save as much $$$ as possible too, I have been only buying sale or B1G1 free stuff at the grocery store. So, I may not need it right then & there, but I will get it if I know we will use it soon. Well, then I just ended up with a small stockpile of stuff or chicken would be on sale & I wouldn't know what to do with it. I'm getting to the point, promise. So, I took a blank monthly calendar & put a different meal that I knew we all liked on each day. The goal was to have 30 different go-to meals. After that, I created a spreadsheet & listed the ingredients by recipe. Sorted by ingredient & now I know what I can make when I buy the ingredients that are on sale. Hopefully that makes sense.
Number 4 - Plan your week (with your husband) on Saturday night or Sunday. That means work, kids' school stuff, special projects around the house, menu for the week & grocery list based on the sale paper! Go into the week with a plan.
Now, with all that said, it takes time! Don't think because it's down on paper that it will magically happen. It has taken 2 months to get this somewhat in place. We are still working on it and continue to tweak it to make life better.
I hope this helps a little. The best thing I can probably tell you is that you are not the only one who feels this way!
First of all, Ashley, you have the "MOM disease"(Minimizying Our Mothering). Whatever we do, we feel we've never done/been enough. I'm long past your stage of motherhood (expecting my first grandchild) and still feel I failed my sons'. Thing is, they are pretty awesome adults liked by others and productive members of society. Maaan! How'd that happen? LOL Are there things I see I should have taught them? Yes. Did I do my best, as inadequate as it was? Yes. Is God able to take it from here? Duh!
Kristen and Jena offered fabulous advice. Incorporate WHAT you can, at the RATE you can. TRUST ME (I've lived a long time), people who appear to have it all together.... DON'T. RARE individuals 'may'....but, more than likely, they feel the same way you do.
I'd like to offer my own piece of advice. "Mother" yourself (be kind to) and acknowledge (aloud--lol) what you do right. In other words, change your focus from how you think you fail to recognize your successes. I'd like to present this challenge to you. Imagine your girls are grown and mothers themselves, and they came to you upset because they felt they weren't good mothers. What would you think? I'd bet it would break your heart and you'd be surprised because you would recognize they were better mothers than they felt. And you would try to make them realize that. You would be able to see things objectively where they might not. I'm just saying, do that for yourself.
In summary (yes, really):
1. You can't judge others lives by
appearance.
2. Do your best and trust God to
do the rest.
3. Use organizational advice that
works for you.
4. Give yourself a break. Cut
yourself some slack. View
yourself through the eyes of a
loving mother.
5. Rehearse what you do right and
thank God for those things in
order to change to a more
positive focus.
Lessons I'm still learning. LESSON OVER.
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