New Direction

Sorta... I have to warn people that may be reading this blog... This isn't a cookie cutter blog where you are only going to read what you want to hear. Very few times do I get to REALLY say what I think or feel about certain things... So I've decided to not sugar coat things. No, that doesn't mean reading this you will feel like you are amongst a bunch of sailors, but it won't always be roses and dandelions either. Soo... With that... you've been warned... :)

I have got to...

Go through my kids clothes! Whew... SUCH an overwhelming task and I don't do well with overwhelming tasks... AND I have a hard time getting rid of ANYTHING for some unknown reason... but they have too much... they have PLENTY of NICE clothes but for some reason they insist on wearing the grubby play clothes out in public... I do NOT get this! I'm seriously considering putting matching outfits together in plastic bags/containers so that if I'm not there to dress them, they don't go out in their play clothes or mismatched clothes and looking like raggamuffins... I mean they do pretty good a lot of the time but then others, I think they just throw on jeans and a shirt and shoes and pay no attention to if it's a good shirt, play shirt or if it matches their shoes and/or hairbow/band that they have on...

Any suggestions? Like... How many "good outfits" to "play outfits" do you keep, etc?

frustrated mom mode

I'm a bit of a free spirit and not naturally organized to begin with. Add to that I have 3 little girls (8, 5, and 2), I work for myself (from home), and my husband works retail hours. The oldest two are in elementary school and the youngest is in pre-k two days a week. On top of this, in October I was in a car accident, not my fault, and my vehicle was totaled, so my middle daughter and I have been in and out of doctor and chiropractor visits since then and some days have been completely lost due to back pain, etc. Throw in the holidays, a kindergartner that's struggling in school (we think she may have mild dyslexia), the haunting thoughts that I have when I forget anything, knock something over, trip over my feet, get upset (all things my mom did constantly with Huntington's disease, which my siblings and I are all at risk for), having to watch my diet and exercise because my blood pressure has been up (and the family history of high bp & cholesterol), homework, bills to pay, phone calls to return, emails to return, and trying to make it to church on time on Sundays... and that's me... in a word - chaotic, I'd love to refer to myself as chaotic elegance but trust me, there is nothing elegant in anything I do.

I'm scared I don't know how to be a good mom. My oldest wrote something for me and titled it "Sensational Mom", I cried... I fall soo short of being a sensational mom that it's not even funny. She said I'm one of her heroes... And I'm not really sure what I have ever done to be a hero to her. I look at all these moms that seem to have it all together, even ones that work in the home or outside the home, kids in sports, etc, and I wonder what on earth is wrong with me that I have to bust my butt to clean my house if company is coming over because it's not in "drop in" condition, that my meals RARELY have the daily recommended nutritional value, that my life is soo hectic even without all the extras that these other moms have in their lives.

Sometimes I blame my mom's illness... But I really don't blame it all the time because even though mom was sick, I know the things that have to be done and I really feel like I should be 100% capable of being super mom and doing it all, but dadgumit if there aren't enough hours in the day to do it all! I constantly wonder what God was thinking when He allowed me to be a mom to three incredible little girls, who I feel, deserve soo much more than I can ever give to them or show them how to be. I feel like my girls are doomed to live their entire lives in chaos because that's how I feel we do now. I don't want that for them. I want better for them. And honestly, I don't think I have any clue how to do it.

If my house is clean, my work is behind. If my work is caught up, my house is a wreck. If I have play time with the kids, dinner is a rush to be made and bedtime ritual goes right out the door. If I work out, my work time and my cleaning time is cut short because I do that when the kids are at school. Where is the balance? How do single moms do it? How do married moms that work do it? There has to be some magical thing that I am missing out on... Either that or there really is something wrong with me... (though that certainly wouldn't be the first time that's been an accusation, I don't want to feel like somethings wrong with me)...

Okay... Venting session done... Now... Any helpful suggestions from you moms who have it together or have been there and know what works and what doesn't? I'm willing to try anything...

my new house...

so I LOVE decorating (and a lot of other things...) but I wanted to share a few pictures of my new AND ADORABLE home!!

Check it out!

my sister in law has a blog!!

check it out! :

http://theadventuresofjessandjosh.blogspot.com/

Wow... It's been a LONG while!!

So, I'm just looking at this and seeing that the last time I blogged was March 16th... And that's a LONG time and a lot has happened since then!

Schools gotten out and almost back in.

My business has grown (Praise the Lord!)

New people in my life... Amazing!!

New goals... New mentality... Lotsa new things I guess you could say...

God's definitely been real to us. And I'm grateful, I don't deserve Him or His love... I will write more tomorrow... I promise, but now I'm going to bed... Well actually going to watch a movie with my hubby and then go to bed.

Check out my new photography blog site: http://www.ashleybrawner.com - I LOVE IT!!

it's. been. real.

so since my last blog, a LOT has happened... a lot of emotions, etc etc etc

I've definitely gotten some good girl time in lately with different friends, all of which has been MUCH needed. Work has picked up and that's great.

It's also been one of those why-did-God-see-fit-to-let-me-be-a:
mom
wife
self-employed
nanny
nurse
cook
maid
baker
personal shopper
taxi
etc
etc
etc

He obviously sees something in me that I am constantly trying to learn about myself. Why am I worthy? Why does He love me?

Because He does...Nuff said. Because He says so...Something I say to my kids all the time "because I said so" but just like with my own children, that doesn't always seem to be a "good enough" answer...And it should be enough.

It should be enough that the Creator of the Universe loved/s me enough that He wanted me here. So why is it so hard? I have no idea...but I know it has to do with my human nature and my sin nature. But now...I have to constantly have to remind myself and rest in the knowledge that He is enough and His reasons are enough. And I'm blessed because of it.

end of week 1

end of week 1 -

not so hot.

not at the gym once.

girl scout cookies came out - nuff said.

church was good but quiet times seem to be lacking, fixing this immediately.

my youngest had started repeating prayers at night with us, makes my heart happy.

enjoyed several conversations with old friends, reminiscing is a good thing, brings a smile to my face and my heart

been using cvs extra care bucks! AND lots of coupons at CVS and Publix...

i think i'm getting the hang of it...and i'm REALLY enjoying saving money and seeing my savings!

my oldest was tested this week for advanced placement = i'm a proud mama! she's so smart.

skin care regimen is going well...i'm loving philosophy's "make up optional" line

oh! and i'm doing a clarifying face mask and/or dermabrasion mask once a week

my middle girls party was this weekend...i'm very proud of the cake i made her, she's such a princess!

had a MUCH needed girls night on Friday night...then got home and couldn't sleep!

lol, oh well, time with other mommies is a much needed thing

oh! and I mixed up zambonees with "Bambino" ...yes...i called mistakingly called the zambonee "the bambino" - needless to say others around me enjoyed a good laugh

had a fun evening with friends last night and wednesday night...all around it was a pretty good week.

your face.

perhaps it's an early midlife crisis...or the fact that my ten year reunion is in less than two months but i've been freaking out about my skin lately. yes. seriously.

i'm trying to be prepared for further skin issues while attempting to maintain a youthful appearance to my skin. i'm also trying to learn the things that i can do and teach my girls early on so they'll know...and in a way i kinda feel like i'm cheating my girls since my mom was very sick and died when i was pretty young. i've had to do a lot of googling and a lot of asking other women in my life, like my grandmother(who passed away almost 6yrs ago), my aunts, my mother in law, skin care pro's etc. i want to be able to show my girls things and share in those mother moments with them that i wish i would have had with my mom but never got the chance.

so! in my effort to figure out how to best treat my skin...i've learned and am learning a lot of things that i can and should be doing with them. i've gotten some face wipes for the girls so that in the mornings when we are brushing our teeth together, they can get into the habit of washing their faces as well...which has been pretty fun because now they want to do face masks once a week with me too :). they've even enjoyed to sugar scrub in the shower to exfoliate the skin on their feet, hands, knees, and elbows - it smells like chocolate, what girl wouldn't love that?! i'm learning new things and trying to share them with my girls...they are so silly! they really enjoy the pampering of getting all lotioned up after bath time with a pretty smelling girly lotion. it's been fun and it seems to be a little of a stress reliever because instead of trying to get into what i'm doing, they have their own things that they can use and do what mommy is doing :).

and now to share with you what others have shared with me about some skin care products, remedies, etc - everyone's skin and body is different so what may work for you may not work for someone else, so before you give up, try a few different things...and you don't have to break the bank to do so:

under eye bags:

SLEEP
proper/balanced diet
hyrdration(drinking lots of water)
preparation h(no i'm not kidding) - rub a little under your eyes, my girlfriends swear by it!
tea bags(wet ones) - just rest them on your eyes for about 10-15 minutes at night before your nightly skin care regimen
spoons(yes weird i know) - stick them in the freezer 1-2 minutes and apply to eyes 10-15minutes
compress(hot and/or cold)
cold cucumbers - rest them on your eyes for about ten minutes, lying flat on your back
cold eye cream - keep your eye cream in the fridge
peppermint tea - put the dry tea bags on your eyes

clear/radiant skin:

SLEEP
proper/balanced diet
hydration(lots and lots of water)
good ole' soap and water
Mary Kay Timewise
Avon's version of ProActive
Cerave(dermatologists recommended)
Clinique
ProActive
Acutane
Neutrogena Oil Free Cleanser
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
AcneFree
Noxema
Clearasil
Arbonne
Beauticontrol
Aubrey Organics Sea Buckthorn bar soap(Dr Oz recommended)
Shakelee
Philosophy
Dermatologica

now I realize this is QUITE a list just for a daily skin care regimen for your face but like I said above, no two people have the exact same skin so what may work for you, may not work for someone else...this is a just a list compiled of some of my friends and their recommendations...some things i have used and some i have not...right now though, i am planning on giving several of these products a go and see what i like best and what works best for me and i will definitely report back to you on that one :) and if you are like me, you want to get in the habit of taking the best care possible of your skin!

detoxifying.

detoxification - beginning of week 1

i've given a lot of thought to doing a full system cleanse with my diet because i have lost almost 35lbs so far and seem to be at a stand still. so. i looked at several detox kits, etc...and i realized that i needed to detox myself in more than just one way...i need/ed a full system overhaul! and you get to come along with me for ride...this is the beginning of week 1! and all these are things that i want to implement with my daughters and so far they are having so much fun with it...they like being girly and getting pampered :)

stage 1- diet & exercise
*cutting out all fried food, all junk food, sodas
*only drinking water, milk and natural juices
*only eating fresh foods(when possible)
*1hr of cardio a day with weight/resistance training as well

stage 2 - skin care
*exfoliating & moisturizing daily
*weekly detox/cleansing/microdermabrasion treatment
*increase water intake

stage 3 - home
*household/housework schedule
*time with family

stage 4 - mental & emotional
*me time...and expressing the importance of me time to my girls...much reading will occur during this time i'm sure

stage 5 - relational
*being intentional with my friendships and all relationships in my life, family, friends, acquaintances, etc

stage 6 - learning
*to learn something new everyday...and to further explore all my interests be it learning a new song, a new cake to make, a new way to decorate something, a new fact about my camera/photography, etc

stage 7 - spiritual
*get in the Word...consistently because everyone needs their cup filled and this is the most important thing that we can pass on to our children...how to have a relationship with our Father
*increase living water intake

ps- today was a splurge day as i did indulge in lots of heavenly edible goodness at a bridal show with my dear friend Katie followed by the goodness that is known as Moe's...there is never a shortage of interesting things that happen when she and I are together for some reason and today was no exception! lol! but we def ended the day with a yummy splurge! so on to hitting it all hard core tomorrow morning!! won't you join me??

projects.

projects...i have several i am working on right now, so i thought i'd share a little with you...hope you enjoy!

i've been wanting for sometime now to paint my bedroom a very soft color... here are two that i'm deciding between...though i'm having quite a hard time determining which one i like better and which color will better serve it's purpose:

this kinda grey color...maybe a little paler grey than this, we'll see...

or something like this kinda pale aqua/turquoise color:

i'm also currently switching around my youngest daughter's bedroom to transition her from the crib to the big girl bed! this is the bedding she has...and i ADORE it! my *plan* is to paint her room a pale pink or green and paint the headboard and footboard pink...i think it will be LOVELY!! oh...and here are a few finds i've been meaning to do something with for some time now...and just for those of you who think you can't find anything good at goodwill...think again! the two mirrors($5 total) on the left and the chandelier($5) were all thrift store finds, as was the large piece of furniture($45!!! Seriously!!) and then the mirror on the far right was also a piece that i've had for a while, that i found on craigslist($15) and then the bottles($5 total), I found various places(antique stores, my sister's neighborhood, etc) - i've decided that these items have waited long enough and if i don't do something with them now, i will have no choice but to part with them...so i'm doing something with them! can't wait to share the progress of these projects with you!!

oh! and if you get bored...i *am* a full time photographer, and i'd love to take care of you!...so stop on by and check out my photography blog: ashleybrawnerphotography.blogspot.com and my side project, cake blog: simplychiccakes.blogspot.com

ashley moments.

ashley moments/pulling an ashley.

a term lovingly given by many of my family members for my foot-in-mouth moments.

aside from the fact that i *really* need to laugh at myself right now...

i've decided that maybe...just maybe...i'm not alone in my foot-in-mouth moments...so! i'm going to share some of the favorites and hope you'll share some of yours with me! i'd love to know that i'm not alone! soo...read! and enjoy! and don't forget to leave me some of your best foot-in-mouth moments!

*know what something means BEFORE yelling it around families at DISNEY*
so, we were on the boat for Tom Sawyer Island at Disney with my in-laws and it was very crowded...so i thought i'd be funny and said "don't drop the soap" followed by the weirdest looks i had seen all day, given to me, along with my father in law telling me to "shhhhhhhsh" - see i've always thought that meant that it was too crowded to lean down and pick up something if you dropped it...needless to say i was wrong and i quickly learned that!

*always check maps*
on a family trip to Kentucky, my in-laws told me there was a spot on the river that you could see across to other states, namely Missouri, well...I was convinced they were trying to pull one over on me(as the often do) and I explained to them that they were WAY wrong because Missouri was one of those square states up near Montana that you have to drive to PA to get too...I was *a little* wrong...In my defense though I was *very* pregnant!! and geography isn't my strongest subject

*check before sending*
i've been married for 8yrs and am very flirty and affectionate with my hubby...in an effort to be a little flirty I sent my hubby a private message to his cell phone from my phone (i had also been messaging with my mother in law). about ten minutes later i get a message from my mother in law "I don't think you really want to see that"...yeah...turns out i had given my MIL a VERY good laugh when she opened a message from me that said "be naked when i get home" - she posted this on facebook...yeah...she loves me...

*marines & nicknames*
i get pretty confident when i think i'm right about something...especially nicknames...and my father in law is a marine(not former, not ex...once a marine ALWAYS a marine, another lesson i had to learn)...marines are affectionately known as jarheads...yeah...apparently i misunderstood and in a conversation with my father in law, i, very matter-of-factly, called him a jughead...yeah, thats a comic, not a term for marines.

there are MANY more...but i'll leave those to the imagination for now ;)...i'd love to HEAR some of your "Ashley moments"

my kids are the best.

My kids have been making me laugh and smile a lot today...And I've needed it! So, I thought I would share a few of the things that they do that put a smile on my face and maybe it will bring a smile to your face too. I think that the stages that children go through are, in many ways, a gift from God. I know that even on my worst days, something is going to happen, with my kids, that is going to crack me up!!

A, my youngest love to dance, bounce around and clap to the theme from Hannah Montana and The Office. She will stop what she is doing and get to where she can dance, I kid you not, I plan to post a video of this soon.

K, my middle girl loves to sit on my lap and tell me how pretty I am.

M, my oldest loves to make things for me and create things.

A loves to climb all over me and lick my face.

K loves to cuddle right up against me as close as she can.

M loves for me to come outside and run with her.

A climbs up on me with a books and says "reee mee" (which is "read to me" in baby speak).

K says she wants to marry her best friend because she loves him and he's her best friend.

M thinks she is an expert at everything, drawing, applying make up, etc.

A is hungry ALL the time! She *loves* chocolate and goes to the pantry saying "eeeeat eat. eeeat eat."

K is soo sassy! She dances around and always goes to put dresses on and wants to wear heels a lot.

M used to go and ask for candy by pointing and saying "shimmeee shimmeeee"

A has started talking and using her own versions of words and I absolutely ADORE how she talks about things and talks to us...She even calls her daddy by his first name.

K has asked people to start calling her "Princess" instead of her birth name because she is a princess! She also quotes Anjelica Johnson's skit "beautiful nail" and "bon qui qui" - look them up if you don't know them... you won't be sorry.

M is so smart! She amazes me on a daily basis with the things that she knows how to do and take care of. She helps out with her little sisters so much and on Valentines Day, she made me breakfast in bed, toast and all!

What are some of your favorite things that your kids, nieces/nephews, etc do? I'd love to hear about them!!

age appropriate chores and chore charts.

So yesterday and today we have been discussing chores with our three children(8yr, 5yr, and almost 2yr). They decided they wanted to choose their own chores, which is fine with me, but in choosing their own chores they seem to be a little over eager. My 8yr old wants to cook dinner and lunch and breakfast and take out all the trash and my 5yr old wants to do some of the same stuff. Now, while I know that my 2yr old is incapable of doing the above mentioned things, I started wondering about what they should be doing at their respective ages...I don't want to be the parent that has her kids acting like adults. I want my girls to have fun, be responsible but still be able to enjoy being a kid.

I started thinking to myself, what are some things that they should be doing at their ages, above and beyond their homework, etc. AND in my efforts to not reinvent the wheel, I did a lot of googling...And I was in luck! I found some great sites that have age ranges and age appropriate chores, so I thought I would share these with you.
http://housekeeping.about.com/od/chorechart1/a/ageapprchores.htm
http://www.workingmom.com/age-guidelines.htm

I thought those two were great sites! And don't be afraid to use them either! My youngest, who will turn 2yrs old in September of this year, understands soo much at her age. We ask her to take stuff to the trash, bring us a diaper, wipes, her shoes, socks, etc and she knows exactly what we are talking about and does exactly what we ask. AND anytime she does this she gets super excited and claps saying "yay" each time...and I just think that's one of the cutest things ever! And they are never to young to instill good values and habits or to use positive reinforcement for a job well done!

What are some of your favorite ways to incorporate chores into your kids' daily life? How do you make it fun for them? How do you encourage them in their chores? What chores do you have your children of different ages doing?

snow day! yeah!!!

snow days in our town are VERY rare! so when it happens we tend to take lots of pictures...and this snow day happened to fall on my middle girls birthday(I can't believe she is already turning 5, time flies by WAY too fast!!) so she was excited because "God gave me the best birthday present ever, mommy" and that he did! school was canceled and it is 9:30pm and it's still snowing! we have made snow cream, soup, apple cider, oatmeal cookies, etc and have thoroughly enjoyed the day! my sister, brother-in-law, and nieces all were here to play and enjoy the day too! here are some of our photos from the day...hope you enjoy them!

snow angels and snow ball fights!

my house...covered in snow w/more snow falling as it gets darker

my sister Heather and I

Heather and I and our oldest girls

my birthday girl!!! she's five today!!

my precious niece!

my oldest daughter :)

the three musketeers :)

january birthday party. valentines day.

soo...the end of the year and the beginning of the year are VERY busy months for us with the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. i am one of those creative types, or at least i like to think that i am, and so i usually find myself wanting to do too much in too little time...well this year that has changed and i promised myself that it would. and i've also promised myself to take the time to do little special things for my girls that would make a big difference for them.

one special thing i do for my kids every year, is that i make their birthday cakes. this is something that my mom did and it's something that i wanted to carry on to my girls...i think it adds a little something special, but then again, maybe i'm crazy ;).

with that being said...here are some photos of the game & cake from my oldest daughters birthday party last month AND of the homemade Valentines cards we are making/have made for their class parties this year... enjoy!! (also - for those wondering, i do make cakes for other people and other occasions...i've done birthday, baby shower, wedding cakes, etc...and i love doing just about anything creative!)

he is jealous for me.

this isn't my usual blog post, just posting a song and the lyrics to it, but this song is so powerful and the words speak to my heart and my soul in a way than really any other song does. don't just listen to the song, listen to the words, and meditate on them. sometimes we just need to be reminded how strong and powerful the love our Father has for us, despite ourselves and despite our situations... he's there. loving us. wanting us. even when we feel like no one else do or when we feel unworthy to be loved.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps&feature=related

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

that's what i love about Sundays.

So it's the end of the weekend and i'm looking quite forward to it! i am excited about the rearranging i'm doing in my home. and i'm excited about my hubby getting to go sub at the school he loves to sub at. and i'm excited about some down time while my girls are at school.

I got to see my best friend today, i LOVE her! And she lives in florida now and I miss her soo much! We had a great time... Got our nails done...Which the whole time I was at the nail salon I was picturing this skit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsWrY77o77o absolutely HILARIOUS! You MUST check it out! I kid you not!

So - I had a couple God-moments today. You know what I mean? Those moments that you just "get it" in a way that you didn't get it before. We were visiting a church with my sister and her family today and something the pastor said struck chord in me in a way that it never had before... And it's something I already knew but today, for some reason, it "hit" me. He was talking about how when his daughter runs up to him with her arms up and stretched out to him that he doesn't turn her away, that he takes the moment to pick her up and embrace her and her charisma in that moment... We should be like that in our relationship with our Daddy in Heaven. We should run, unashamedly with arms stretched out to Him to hold us and to love us and for us to love Him and express to Him how much we love Him and want to be with Him and spend time with Him. We need to be intentional in our relationship and intentional in that relationship with Him.

Why are we so worried what other people may think or say about our relationship with our Daddy? When we go into worship him why are we so concerned with what others think about our worship? We shouldn't be. We are worshiping for an audience of one, not those around us. What does God feel about us holding back in our worship of Him, in effort to not "offend" those around us or make them feel "uncomfortable" - we should worship unashamedly and unabashed!

rearranging. recreating.

i love making old things new and changing this around a bit...and finding a GREAT deal on things too! the blue dish and the yellow dishes were less than $5 for all of them, i bought them on a clearance sale at a local antique mart a little while back. the teapots were a really great find at marshalls...and the china is a hand me down wedding gift from my grandmother that I have always wanted to display some how. here is a photo of the "after" - i didn't think to take a picture of how it was before BUT the bottom shelf and then the 2nd from the top had books on it and the middle one had a photo and a few other things...it looked kinda busy but was functional. here is what it looks like now...i'm not completely done, i still want to tweak a few things but here it is for now...and already its a MUCH bigger improvement!!

ballgame.

i love saturdays. i coach cheerleading with two of the best friends a girl could have. and my oldest daughter plays basketball the second hour. so i thought that i would just share a few photos from a typical Saturday in my life. probably one of my favorite parts about the games is that when my angel gets to the side of the court closest to us she always looks and waves and checks to make sure that we are watching everything that she does :). and our two youngest girls love cheering her on and watching her play... they grow up so fast! i can't believe that M is already 8 and is so big! they grow up way to fast and i am doing my best to enjoy each moment as they come and cherish them...and now without further delay...

Here are a few shots of my oldest playing her favorite sport/activity so far AND some of the girls i coach :

life. period.

Life is kinda crazy...

one minute your up and the next you feel like you are picking yourself up off the ground...You get expected things and unexpected things and thus the reason we call it a roller coaster life. and...things have been pretty crazy in our household lately.

see...we have 3 little girls already and have been debating on whether to permanently prevent any future pregnancies or not. we kinda decided that right now we don't want any more but we wouldn't make any permanent decisions until after i turned 30 just because that is SUCH a permanent thing! and this week has kind of changed things for us... you see, last week i noticed something didn't feel quite normal, i felt pregnant(which is possible for most married couples who sleep in the same bed) and with all three prior pregnancies, i knew beforehand and didn't even have to see the test. this time i decided to wait to take a test because my hormones have been so irregular the last few months...and well...a few days later i *thought* that i had gotten my answer, that no i wasn't indeed pregnant. which, lets face it, babies are fun and another one would make for an even number and i love my children and would have soo many children if it made sense to...and so if we were to have another one, that's just what we would do...so yeah, i was relieved and sad at the same point.

but then something started to not be right again...and i knew something was wrong. in my heart of hearts i *knew* that i truly was pregnant and that i was currently miscarrying the baby...this was my gut feeling/instinct, though i didn't want it to be true. i didn't want to be pregnant, but if i were really pregnant, i didn't want anything bad to happen to my baby.

i started crying knowing what was happening and shortly there after went to the hospital, only to have a confirmed pregnancy test...they did lots of tests actually...and the doctor said she's unsure of what exactly happened and what not.

and this was my first ever miscarriage. so many emotions and questions. feeling like i was being punished for something. my husbands tears. my tears. my dads tears. the comforting words from my younger sister, who in the last two years has been through this twice. the confusion. all the what if's. the "i should have done this". etc.

it's cool to me though that even in the midst of my broken heart, hurts and pains that i could see God's hand on everything...He was there the whole time and has even provided my friends with spare time to come and sit with me to keep me company or to help with anything around the house. for this i am greatly appreciative. He provided my sister to come help lift my spirits with some hang time and my husband with an extra dose of patience this week with me :).

so anyways, God has a purpose for everything in life and has His hand in everything...And for whatever reason this is the season that He has me in at this time and His timing is perfect and I am thankful, everyday, to be in His grasp... "when you can't trace His hand...trust His heart" because He only wants the best for His children and that is to be one with Him, in good times and bad.

.sweetness.

well...its 3am and i'm still awake so i will grace you guys with a second blog post of the evening, i know you are thrilled...just humor me here :)

i bought the cutest little fan today to go in my middle girl's room...for only a dollar!!...i was soo happy with that purchase and apparently so were *both* of my older girls. the cutest thing ever, they were taking turns showing each other the *right way* to hold a fan and fan yourself. m says: "kbug you hold it like this in your hand and you cover your mouth and nose with it but not your eyes"

k: "this is for my room, can i play with it... how do i do it right, mommy, like this?" and thus begun the trial and error process of teaching her the right way to "fan out" the fan in front of your face and then fan yourself...
all the while garfield-rescue-center-e.f.r. decides to lay down and take a nap with our youngest little princess. it was so sweet...i walked in to check on a. and garf was just laying there curled up beside her as if he were her personal guard. garf loves the girls and they love him. a runs around saying "keee keee keee keee"
and if you couldn't tell...i'm a proud mommy who loves her precious babies more than life itself. my prayer is that they grow up and love God and that they are godly women and mothers. i pray that i don't fail in leading them in how to grow as a woman of God.

ps: here are a few items i have on my wish list now(hint, hint wes) AND two family photos we had taken back before Christmas by a good friend of mine:

and now the wishlist...in no specific order...well...maybe:

adorable bedding by the land of nod
love this bed frame and the colors
the kaitlyn bed - by garnet hill...would be adorable for my little girls!
and these chairs would be *darling* for how i want to do my dining room!

treasured finds!

if you knew my sister Heather, you would know that she and I are a lot alike and we probably disagree as much as we agree about stuff... well not really... we agree more often than not and we always manage to have a good time with each other, especially shopping for anything from thrift stores to antique stores to the shopping malls.

creativity seems to run in my family and Heather and I love to decorate and recreate together so I am going to share with you some of our recent finds and what we've done/are doing with them and some things that Heather has created specifically for my home... I hope you enjoy!!

fyi - Heather is also available to make custom decorations for your home if you want.

these two finds are from a local antique store - i will leave the green chair alone and change the cushion on the black chair and maybe paint it... we shall see. and i can't forget the coke crates! Grandpa, my mother-in-law's dad, had a whole lot of these crates he wanted my husband, Wes, to list on ebay or craigslist, but of course I had to grab a few of them first and they are great!

the two "pots" to the left were just too cute to pass up(there are two green ones and three of the white ones) & so was the mirror below(this is the before picture)

the candle stick below was a horrible silver color that Heather and I spray pained black to go into my middle child's room... and the mirror was an awful color of wood that we spray painted as well. they cost me *maybe* $5.00 total for the two of them and the black spray paint!

this little pink vase and pink fan cost me $1.25 TOTAL! What a steal, right? How could I pass that up? I couldn't and these will be perfect in my little girls room!!

this mirror was F R E E with everything else I purchased that day... I couldn't believe it... another find from a thrift store! and the bottles I got from the antique store that I got the black and green chairs from.

this little gem has already played many roles at my house and right now serves a the remote holder on my coffee table... the price tag on it... $1.99!!

now these are some things that I'm really proud of for my kitchen! the corkboard and green hook hangers came from a local shop called PlumTree which is FABULOUS! the red decor is from Planters Walk, another fabulous local antique store, and the white tray and flower plates came from the ever so fabulous Target... and best part... they were on CLEARANCE! Score!!

i LOVE this piece, it has been on my table and on my counter... it's been together and used separately. it's so awesome and i got this for a steal! i've seen these for $80 and i believe that i didnt even spend $10 on this at Salvation Army... a long with the 2 glass bottles below!

i just adored the colors in the entertainment-ware and it was only $3.00 soo... you guessed it! i bought it!

the fork & spoon - different pieces but i really liked them a lot. they were a dark wood color, but Heather painted them an antique white and distressed it a little and i think it really added character to it.

i had decided against getting barstools because we never used our old ones much... these, for all 3 were only $30 and I plan to make a small cushion for each one with coordinating fabric and ribbon... and since there are 3 and i have 3 girls, i plan to put each of their first initial on one of them

this thing was only $20!! i'm going to clean it up a bit and either put it on my mantle or in my formal dining room... we shall see and only time will truly tell where i like it the best

i love these candle holders but i haven't always loved them... they were $10 for both of them at a yard sale back in June and they were a horrible brass color... I didn't want them but Heather insisted that I get them bc we could surely do something with them... and we did... and now I absolutely love them!

my oldest daughter LOVES horses so I raided a local antique store and found this that we use as a door stop in her bedroom... i'll post photos of her room as soon as it is completed with the walls painted.

here is another candlestick that I plan on painting the bronze colored part a pale pink and using it in my youngest daughters room that we are transitioning from a nursery to a big girls room!

the next four images are from my oldest daughters room, the "horse room"... the table is a tv tray that Heather painted and distressed to make the decor in the room. the white mirror was originally brown and gold(7years ago) and i bought it and painted it silver and now we have repurposed it and painted it white to fit in. the butterflies all looked like an aged plaster color when Heather painted them to match the colors in the bedding. the coat rack was free at a yard sale bc the middle piece was missing, but we think it adds character and rescued this beautiful piece!

this armoire was priced at $15 from a yardsale!! can you believe it?? i couldn't either!

the following 3 images are things that Heather custom made to match my youngest daughters crib bedding... and it's perfect!!

this bedside table was going to be thrown away because it had been left out in the weather and had started to crack, BUT we threw a little bit of black paint on it and it works awesomely in my daughters room!

this toy box was marked a whopping $5 at a yard sale... and now its serving a wonderful purpose to declutter my daughter's room!

i love this table... my sister, Heather, used an old round table (you know the kind you saw at your grandmothers house with the long skirts around them that you would climb under and hide in) and painted it black and free handed my little girls first initial on it and i loved it from the second i saw it! it fits beautifully with the pink and black decor in her room!